Okay so this is my first blogg on this particular site, I am using Josi's laptop of which does not seem to like me using the space key so please forgive me.
Firstly I believe love is a very stupid term as it can not be defined.
There are only two guys featuring in my life atm, one of my ex's (Guy A) and a new guy (Guy B).
Both of whom I hope NEVER read this post. . .
Arms width apart they feel intwined
Not a word said
Taking in each breath in turn
Tension building between them
She takes his hand slowly
Shivers down her spine.
Using her hand he pulls her into his arms
Still silent tears come to her eyes
He is perfect in every for her
Slowly she takes the courage to move her hands to his chest gently stroking his bare skin...
Okay so my ex hurt me a lot.
We went out for about a year during my 6th form. I was deeply in love with him and trusted him completely. Though I was later to find out he had been lying to me the whole time even when I was standing up for him. I understand now that he lied to me because he did not want me to leave him becasue of the less honourable stuff he did.However while we were together he treated me like a princess. Anyhow lets skip all the details and just say that he ended up getting engaged to my ex best mate, about 2 months after we broke up. However it was a messy break up as I still "saw" him until about mid April 2009 where I decided enough was enough. I had a huge hole in my life without him, because all though we had not been going out for awhile we had still been hanging out and having sex the whole usual couple thing seriously you have no idea!
Anyhow, me and him had recently become close again, as he had broken up with his my ex best mate, and while I was in Christchurch had tried to convince me to come back for him, as I still deep down had feelings for him I agreed after a lot of persuasion, to find the next day after I had booked the tickets that his ex had found out that I was talking to him and had arranged for herself to come back to philly for the first week I would be there. I was furious that he had said that she could stay there, and did not talk to him for a few days. A few days ago, after his ex (who now by the way is his current again) had left he asked to see me, to just hang out, I figuring I would not be here for long agreed. So we have hung out for a few nights and days when I haven't been busy....Now last night.. well I had no plans to see him, but after various events I ended up staying at his house.. In his bed.. well he touched me in ways I thought would be impossible for him to (after a long conversation of me telling him how I would not and could not do anything with him because I like guy B so much :[ ) So I left his place aobut lunch time today, feeling happy but confused. Because I honestly do like guy B more I swear!
I know that doing anything with my ex is only proving I did not learn my lesson and does not deserve my time, but it is hard as we never seem to end our relationship... it is sooo frustrating. I just want it to be simple, I do not want to want him like I do. I want to be his friend, one of his best friends.. but we always seem to be more.
I guess that is love for you.
(Guy B)
Okay now guy B, I have been texting him for ages whilst I was in Christchurch. He was always there for me as a mate when I need him and was one of the only people I felt had not let me down while I was away. He makes me feel amazing, holding his hand the first time took soo much courage and sent shivers down my spine. I swear he is amazing, I wish he was mine. Every little thing that I had ever wished a guy would do differently he already does, it is like he is the most perfect match. Well I have spent several hours with him several different times with no more than a hug or a kiss, which was perfect for me because it was scary enough doing that I was soo nervous. even now when I hold his hand or he texts me saying he misses me it makes me giggle. If you know me you will know it is VERY unusual for a guy to make me like this!
Anyways I could go on for ever about all the little things he does but I won't sorry readers!
so now...
I am in this situation where my ex is confusing the shit out of me and this new guy has me head over heels..
To make everything worse I will have to leave soon and leave both of them.
Guy B- Im trippn' for you, so dam hard!
So readers, what do I do? Enjoy what I have.. Let them both down so it does not hurt so much? Or just play it as it comes?
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